So you want to be cool, eh? If you follow my simple directions, then you will definitely be.
Well you'll be several minutes older that's for sure. This four-step plan will not help you become the sunglasses wearing, motorcycle driving, smooth talking "cool" guy and it won't magically turn you into the most popular person in school either.
So if that's what you're looking for then stop reading this right now.
Or keep reading. I'm not there to stop you. But if you still want to be my definition of a "cool kid" then you may continue.
What is my definition of a cool kid? I guess you'll have to keep reading to find out.
Note: If you want to be cool in the sense of temperature, I suggest some nice shorts or a portable fan, but that's not what this is about.
Alright, step one is to completely forget everything you know about anybody at your school that you consider to be cool.
By the way, do you know that one really cool girl that ... no, you don't.
Forget them all. Create a clean slate to build your own coolness off. Don't try and copy what every-one else is doing. Just because they wear expensive brands or listen to a certain band, doesn't mean you have to too.
Doing that would be like saying you want to be an artist but all you do is copy everyone else's artwork. That's dumb and also plagiarism.
Don't do that, be original. If they coincident-ally wear the same clothes or like your favourite singer, then good for them (because then they'd have something in common with you, the coolest kid in school.)
Step 2: Stop thinking so much. I mean, keep using your brain for academics but don't think about the negative and instead focus on the positive.
If you think too much then your brain will explode, that's a scientific fact. I'm not telling you to block out every single negative thing anyone ever says to you, that's also unhealthy, but instead filter the thoughts.
If someone calls you ugly, then ignore it. Who cares? Not you, the coolest kid.
If someone calls you fat, ignore them too. Again, who cares?
But if someone who cares about you tells you that you should start watching what you eat, then that's a different story. Be aware of who is insulting you and who is trying to help.
Constructive criticism is always good until it gets a bit more criticizing than constructive.
Also, if you find yourself hanging around a lot of these critics then get away from them.
They are probably just jealous of how cool you are. Step 3: Really, stop thinking so much.
To quote the wonderful Ellen Degeneres, "It's amazing how much time that we put thought into thinking about what other people are thinking about us, when everybody else is just thinking about what we're thinking about them."
Basically, if you're trying to be cool for someone else, then you're doing it all wrong.
Be cool for you. If you're cool with yourself, then you're really the coolest you can truly be.
If you've followed these steps correctly, then congratulations! You're now the coolest kid in school!
Go get a piece of paper and make yourself a diploma or certificate or something and I will sign you off with the cool kid handshake.
High five this newspaper right now. Oh right, Step 4: Don't be a jerk.
Be a nice happy person. Nobody likes a meanie.
Jonah Park is a Grade 12 student at Dr. Charles Best Secondary.